Every mother in Newtown was missing a child today. Every mother felt an absence at their dinner table. With each flower received and every hug given, we all knew that we were short a few. And that knowledge was painful.
My son is two. And it was the first year that he was capable of walking up to me, handing me a gift and uttering the words, "Happy Mother's Day Momma. I love you." I cried today at hearing those words come out of his mouth for the first time. And I cried because there are mother's across Newtown that didn't hear them from all of their children.
Father's and their babies are special and deeply connected. But mother's and their babies hold an entirely different connection. It's otherworldly and impossible to explain. There's this feeling deeply embedded in our chests and when we can't reach our children or be near them, the ache is physical.
On December 14th, my son was at daycare. Like all the school's in the area, his was locked down until police were certain that the area was safe and secure again. I wasn't able to go to him and wrap him in my arms for hours. I knew he was safe, but I needed him in my arms. I needed to feel him in my arms, to know that he was safe by seeing him with my own eyes. But I couldn't. Those were agonizing hours. And the pain was tangible. But, I got him back. I got to hold him again. A mother's arms should never be devoid of their child. It's cruel. That is the only way to describe it. It's the worst thing you could ever do to a woman. And my heart aches in sisterhood for those women who lost their babies.
So, tonight...I read my son an extra story at bedtime. I sang him all the songs that he wanted to hear. I rubbed his back for more time then I usually allow. I told him how happy he makes me, how much joy he brings to my life every day. How proud I am to be his mother. My child will never question how much he means to me. He will always know that my world revolves around him. The 26 people taken from the arms of those that loved them with all their heart have taught me to never take one second for granted. To never allow my arms to be empty with a hug from my son whenever possible. And while I can't give those mother's a gift to ease their pain, their loss has been a lesson to me. Not one second, not one, taken for granted. Be the best mother I can be at all times. Because nothing else matters. I can fail at anything else in this lifetime. But do not allow me to fail at this. Do not.
Happy Mothers Day to all you beautiful mother's out there. It is not always an easy job, but it is the most important job on the planet. And you are doing great.
Love-
Lindsay
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Race Reflections: Emilie Parker
Last Saturday, I ran the Beardsley Beast 5k in honor of Emilie Parker. And it was at this race, on that day that I had tucked away especially for Emilie, that I was reminded of the ever lasting spirit and endurance of a child. And it couldn't have come at a better time.
There was a little girl at this race- she couldn't have been more than five years old. Six. MAYBE. And she captured my heart and made it ache just a fraction less for the children of Sandy Hook elementary. Both those that we lost and those that we saved.
You see, this little girl, this tiny person, ran an entire 5k. And not just a 5k. It was one of the hardest 5k's that I've run so far. Half street running, half trail/hills. She ran it on those tiny legs. She never quit. She never gave up. And she hustled to the finish line with more spunk and determination than I've seen on most adults. She was a much needed reminder that children bounce back. That they persevere and overcome. And that same spirit would never be lost in the next life.
As I watched this little girl pick up speed as she raced to the finish line, when she was visibly exhausted and physically spent, I was overcome with emotion and I was holding back tears. This tiny reminder that if you put an obstacle in a child's way, they will find a way to overcome it. They will find the path to victory and they will show you that what you thought can't be done, will be done.
It was from that, that my mind started to race. That I started thinking about all these children that were in Sandy Hook that day. How will this shape their lives? And that's the question, isn't it? What parent of Sandy Hook Elementary isn't thinking, "what are the repercussions of this tragedy going to be long term for my child?" As a parent, you couldn't help but worry. But, for the first time since December 14th, I have rejoiced in the knowledge that these children are going to take this and make themselves stronger. They are going to make our community stronger. And I fully and wholeheartedly believe that they will take what they have experienced here and make the world a better place, each and every day that they are in it.
These children have experienced something that most of us will never know. Thank goodness. But that horrific life experience will become something positive. They will make it so- because that's what children do. They take a road block and the beat it to the ground. They tell their parents they want to run a 5k and they crush it. Even if the parent is sure in the back of their mind that they will never be able to complete it. Mark my words. The children coming out of Sandy Hook Elementary/Chalk Hill Elementary (their now school) are going to change this world for the better.
I can't wait to watch them thrive. I can't wait to watch them succeed. I want to see them on tv passing legislation 30 years from now that will make this world a safer place. I can't wait to sign up to volunteer for their community action plans. I can't wait to cheer them on as they bravely step foot back into their rebuilt school on the old Sandy Hook Elementary grounds.
Miss Emilie has two beautiful sisters. Just you wait. They are going to make sure that Emilie is never forgotten. They are going to live for her every single day. And Emilie Parker is going to be watching from the clouds, cheering them on, every step of the way.
Love-
Lindsay
Here is the beautiful Miss Emilie Parker. The 9th angel that I have now run for:
There was a little girl at this race- she couldn't have been more than five years old. Six. MAYBE. And she captured my heart and made it ache just a fraction less for the children of Sandy Hook elementary. Both those that we lost and those that we saved.
You see, this little girl, this tiny person, ran an entire 5k. And not just a 5k. It was one of the hardest 5k's that I've run so far. Half street running, half trail/hills. She ran it on those tiny legs. She never quit. She never gave up. And she hustled to the finish line with more spunk and determination than I've seen on most adults. She was a much needed reminder that children bounce back. That they persevere and overcome. And that same spirit would never be lost in the next life.
As I watched this little girl pick up speed as she raced to the finish line, when she was visibly exhausted and physically spent, I was overcome with emotion and I was holding back tears. This tiny reminder that if you put an obstacle in a child's way, they will find a way to overcome it. They will find the path to victory and they will show you that what you thought can't be done, will be done.
It was from that, that my mind started to race. That I started thinking about all these children that were in Sandy Hook that day. How will this shape their lives? And that's the question, isn't it? What parent of Sandy Hook Elementary isn't thinking, "what are the repercussions of this tragedy going to be long term for my child?" As a parent, you couldn't help but worry. But, for the first time since December 14th, I have rejoiced in the knowledge that these children are going to take this and make themselves stronger. They are going to make our community stronger. And I fully and wholeheartedly believe that they will take what they have experienced here and make the world a better place, each and every day that they are in it.
These children have experienced something that most of us will never know. Thank goodness. But that horrific life experience will become something positive. They will make it so- because that's what children do. They take a road block and the beat it to the ground. They tell their parents they want to run a 5k and they crush it. Even if the parent is sure in the back of their mind that they will never be able to complete it. Mark my words. The children coming out of Sandy Hook Elementary/Chalk Hill Elementary (their now school) are going to change this world for the better.
I can't wait to watch them thrive. I can't wait to watch them succeed. I want to see them on tv passing legislation 30 years from now that will make this world a safer place. I can't wait to sign up to volunteer for their community action plans. I can't wait to cheer them on as they bravely step foot back into their rebuilt school on the old Sandy Hook Elementary grounds.
Miss Emilie has two beautiful sisters. Just you wait. They are going to make sure that Emilie is never forgotten. They are going to live for her every single day. And Emilie Parker is going to be watching from the clouds, cheering them on, every step of the way.
Love-
Lindsay
Here is the beautiful Miss Emilie Parker. The 9th angel that I have now run for:
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Race Announcement: Mary Sherlach
On Mother's Day, Sunday May, 12th, I will be running for Mary Sherlach at the Run Like a Mother 5k in Ridgefield, CT.
Mary ran like a mother, straight into danger, to save the children of Sandy Hook Elementary School on December 14th. Given the fact that this race falls on Mother's Day, I think it's only appropriate to honor a woman who was not only a mother to her students but to her own two daughters as well.
Mary ran like a mother, straight into danger, to save the children of Sandy Hook Elementary School on December 14th. Given the fact that this race falls on Mother's Day, I think it's only appropriate to honor a woman who was not only a mother to her students but to her own two daughters as well.
Race Reflections: Honorary Race for the First Responders
A few months back, my good friend Jessica reached out to me. She knew about my 26 races in 2013 for Sandy Hook and had a suggestion for me of a race to run. A year ago her brother in law, Chief Michael Maloney of the Greenland NH Police Department, was killed in the line of duty protecting his beloved town. The town was rocked, so similarly to Newtown, at his death. Nothing like this had ever happened in Greenland and Chief Maloney's friends and family members were left trying to decide on the best way to honor his memory. They created the Chief Michael Maloney Memorial Fund, Inc. and began hosting a memorial run that took its participants from the Portsmouth Police Department to the Greenland Police department in a show of unity.
The memorial fund that the proceeds from the race go towards provides relief for the distressed members, spouses and children of New England Public Safety members who have been killed or injured in the line of duty. And relief may take the form of direct financial assistance to the victim or victim’s survivors, including but not limited to, educational and vocational assistance.
To learn more about the Chief Michael Maloney Memorial Fund, please visit: http://chiefmaloney.com/#/home
When Jess approached me about doing this race, I immediately knew that it was something that I would want to participate in. It would be an honor to race for Chief Maloney's memory as well as the memory of a beloved member of the Newtown community all on the same day. I started to research a bit into the families of the Newtown victims. I wanted to see if any of the families had a strong connection to law enforcement, because it just seemed fitting to pair up the this particular race that way. Only a brief few minutes into my research, did a thought dawn on me. What better way to honor Chief Maloney than to run in his honor as well as in appreciation of my own town's police officers and first responders? Hadn't they lost something that day as well? Hadn't they given a part of themselves away that day? They deserved to be recognized by this project as well.
I reached out to my friend to make sure that there wouldn't be any hard feelings from the Maloney family if I were to run in honor of a different police department at Chief Maloney's run. The response from the Maloney family was overwhelmingly positive and they encouraged me to go forward with the idea.
I called on my angel support team, the three amazing women in my life that have created all my race t-shirts, and asked them for one last favor. To see if they could they create one additional t-shirt for me. One that honored the first responders of Sandy Hook. They delivered in record time and the honorary 27th race was set.
Race day was a beautiful day. Sunny and warm and it felt amazing to be outside taking advantage of it. Because the race was dedicated in memory to a police officer, there were members of police departments from all over the state running in teams together. Police escorts riding on motorcycles at the front of the pact. Police officers lining the course. It was truly amazing to see that kind of support and unity. It makes you realize that they aren't just police offices. They are a brother/sisterhood. They treat each other from other departments as one of their own. And just because Chief Maloney wasn't an office from their particular department, doesn't mean that they don't feel his loss just as deeply. The outpouring of love and support was evident that day. And I'm sure that the members of the Greenland PD felt that from all those around them.
I've witnessed this type of unity before. In Newtown, in the months following December 14th, my husband and I were out driving around town one day when we happened to notice a Westport police cruiser stationed at a light. Down the road further still, we noticed a Danbury police cruiser. Then one from Monroe.
"What the heck is going on?" I had asked my husband. I was worried that some other tragedy had taken place in town and that reinforcements had been called in from surrounding towns to help.
If you don't get the warm tingly's from what I'm about to tell you, then I don't know what else to say. I should just shut down this blog right now.
It turns out that following December 14th, many of first responders- Newtown PD, our EMT's and others- were struggling to come to terms with what they had witnessed that horrific day. Rightfully so. Many of these brave public servants had maxed out their allotted time off to seek therapy and their much deserved time with their families to grieve and recover. And what was happening was that police officers from the surrounding towns had volunteered themselves, free of charge, to cover some of the Newtown teams shifts so that they could take additional time off to recover with out being penalized. Our neighboring town PD's also made sure that not one single Newtown police officer worked on Christmas.
When I heard that, my faith was restored in knowing that good will always out weigh the bad. That there is an overwhelming number of people that would rather see good come to us than harm. I get choked up just thinking about that.
So, don't forget your police department or your EMT's. Bring them coffee one day. Or just wave to them as you pass them on the street. Their one responsibility on this Earth is to keep us safe. It's a noble job and one that we take for granted in our communities far too often. I will never forget them for what they sacrificed on December 14th. A job needed to be done, and they did it. And they will need time and our love and support in order to move past it. We owe them at least that.
Thank you Newtown Police and EMT's. We are behind you and are always here for you. We love you. And Chief Michael Maloney. You are forever in our hearts.
Love-
Lindsay
Here are a few photo's from the first responder race:
The memorial fund that the proceeds from the race go towards provides relief for the distressed members, spouses and children of New England Public Safety members who have been killed or injured in the line of duty. And relief may take the form of direct financial assistance to the victim or victim’s survivors, including but not limited to, educational and vocational assistance.
To learn more about the Chief Michael Maloney Memorial Fund, please visit: http://chiefmaloney.com/#/home
When Jess approached me about doing this race, I immediately knew that it was something that I would want to participate in. It would be an honor to race for Chief Maloney's memory as well as the memory of a beloved member of the Newtown community all on the same day. I started to research a bit into the families of the Newtown victims. I wanted to see if any of the families had a strong connection to law enforcement, because it just seemed fitting to pair up the this particular race that way. Only a brief few minutes into my research, did a thought dawn on me. What better way to honor Chief Maloney than to run in his honor as well as in appreciation of my own town's police officers and first responders? Hadn't they lost something that day as well? Hadn't they given a part of themselves away that day? They deserved to be recognized by this project as well.
I reached out to my friend to make sure that there wouldn't be any hard feelings from the Maloney family if I were to run in honor of a different police department at Chief Maloney's run. The response from the Maloney family was overwhelmingly positive and they encouraged me to go forward with the idea.
I called on my angel support team, the three amazing women in my life that have created all my race t-shirts, and asked them for one last favor. To see if they could they create one additional t-shirt for me. One that honored the first responders of Sandy Hook. They delivered in record time and the honorary 27th race was set.
Race day was a beautiful day. Sunny and warm and it felt amazing to be outside taking advantage of it. Because the race was dedicated in memory to a police officer, there were members of police departments from all over the state running in teams together. Police escorts riding on motorcycles at the front of the pact. Police officers lining the course. It was truly amazing to see that kind of support and unity. It makes you realize that they aren't just police offices. They are a brother/sisterhood. They treat each other from other departments as one of their own. And just because Chief Maloney wasn't an office from their particular department, doesn't mean that they don't feel his loss just as deeply. The outpouring of love and support was evident that day. And I'm sure that the members of the Greenland PD felt that from all those around them.
I've witnessed this type of unity before. In Newtown, in the months following December 14th, my husband and I were out driving around town one day when we happened to notice a Westport police cruiser stationed at a light. Down the road further still, we noticed a Danbury police cruiser. Then one from Monroe.
"What the heck is going on?" I had asked my husband. I was worried that some other tragedy had taken place in town and that reinforcements had been called in from surrounding towns to help.
If you don't get the warm tingly's from what I'm about to tell you, then I don't know what else to say. I should just shut down this blog right now.
It turns out that following December 14th, many of first responders- Newtown PD, our EMT's and others- were struggling to come to terms with what they had witnessed that horrific day. Rightfully so. Many of these brave public servants had maxed out their allotted time off to seek therapy and their much deserved time with their families to grieve and recover. And what was happening was that police officers from the surrounding towns had volunteered themselves, free of charge, to cover some of the Newtown teams shifts so that they could take additional time off to recover with out being penalized. Our neighboring town PD's also made sure that not one single Newtown police officer worked on Christmas.
When I heard that, my faith was restored in knowing that good will always out weigh the bad. That there is an overwhelming number of people that would rather see good come to us than harm. I get choked up just thinking about that.
So, don't forget your police department or your EMT's. Bring them coffee one day. Or just wave to them as you pass them on the street. Their one responsibility on this Earth is to keep us safe. It's a noble job and one that we take for granted in our communities far too often. I will never forget them for what they sacrificed on December 14th. A job needed to be done, and they did it. And they will need time and our love and support in order to move past it. We owe them at least that.
Thank you Newtown Police and EMT's. We are behind you and are always here for you. We love you. And Chief Michael Maloney. You are forever in our hearts.
Love-
Lindsay
Here are a few photo's from the first responder race:
Making friends with the Greenland PD.
This is my friend Jessica and her Husband Tim. Chief Maloney was Tim's brother.
Making more PD friends.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Race Announcement: Emilie Parker and Jack Pinto
This weekend I will be running two races. One for Emilie Parker on Saturday and one for Jack Pinto on Sunday. Both Jack and Emilie would have turned seven this month. Jack's birthday falls on May 6th and Emilie's on May 12th.
On May 4th, I will be running the Beardsley Beast 5K for Emilie out of Bridgeport, CT.
On May 5th, I will run the "Where the Wild Things Run" 5k for Jack out of Wilton, CT.
A double header for Jack the sports fan. I think he'd like that.
On May 4th, I will be running the Beardsley Beast 5K for Emilie out of Bridgeport, CT.
On May 5th, I will run the "Where the Wild Things Run" 5k for Jack out of Wilton, CT.
A double header for Jack the sports fan. I think he'd like that.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Special Race Announcement: A 27th Race Added for the Newtown First Responders
I realized that I made this announcement on my facebook page, but not here. Sorry about that.
I've decided to add one special race to this project. On April 28th, I will be running the Chief Maloney Unity Run and Walk. And I will run it in honor of the Newtown First Responders.
Chief Maloney was the brother in law of a my good friend Jessica. He was killed in the line of duty last year and was a beloved police officer in NH. His fellow officers, friends and family have organized a race in his honor. I was struggling to pick a person to run for in this race. I was hoping to find a family that had a strong connection to law enforcement given the theme of this race, but I wasn't able to find someone that had that connection. So I thought that running for the brave women and men of Newtown that arrived on scene to deal with that horrific scene was appropriate.
I'll be heading up to New Hampshire on this weekend to honor our first responders and our fallen hero Chief Michael Maloney. Running from the Portsmouth police station to the Greenland Police Station.
Chief Maloney was the brother in law of a my good friend Jessica. He was killed in the line of duty last year and was a beloved police officer in NH. His fellow officers, friends and family have organized a race in his honor. I was struggling to pick a person to run for in this race. I was hoping to find a family that had a strong connection to law enforcement given the theme of this race, but I wasn't able to find someone that had that connection. So I thought that running for the brave women and men of Newtown that arrived on scene to deal with that horrific scene was appropriate.
I'll be heading up to New Hampshire on this weekend to honor our first responders and our fallen hero Chief Michael Maloney. Running from the Portsmouth police station to the Greenland Police Station.
Feet, fail me not.
Love- Lindsay
Love- Lindsay
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Race Reflections: Chase Kowalski
This past weekend was pretty special. As most of you have heard, I've had the pleasure of getting to know a gentleman named Kevin Bresnahan though the efforts of my 26 in 2013 campaign. Kevin grew up with Chase Kowalski's parents. He knows them very well and like so many of us, he began searching for a way to help out after December 14th. He started 1000 for Chase (10004Chase.blogspot.com) and has pledged to run 1000 miles in honor of Chase to raise money for The Chase Kowalski Memorial Fund. And to date, he has raised a significant amount of money.
Kevin and I teamed up, along side his family, to run this past Sunday together for Chase. When I arrived at the race, I met up with Kevin's sister Beth, who've I've gotten to know very well through our running goals. Beth informed me that Chase's parents had texted Kevin earlier that day asking us to "run hard" for Chase. If you don't know much about Chase, let me fill you in on something special about that little boy. He was a runner. Not just a runner, but that amazing little boy had already completed a triathlon in his lifetime. How many of us can say that?
We all took the message of "Run Hard" to heart and we pushed to the limit to make Chase proud. Kevin ended up winning second place in his age bracket and Beth and I had one of our best 5k times to date. Because Kevin finished ahead of me, he ran back and met me while I was on my final stretch. I welled up as he handed me a picture of Chase to finish the race with. And as I crossed the finish line, I kissed the picture and held it up for those around me to see.
There's just something so empowering about running for the loved ones that we lost that terrible day. You'd have to be closed off emotionally not to feel them with you when you run. Each race is so special in its own way and there never fails to be some experience that stands out which makes you know for certain that that person is with you. A sudden burst of energy when you mentally call out their name, an overwhelming warm feeling out of the blue, a flash of a mental image, a sudden need to shed a tear, aches and pains releasing their grasp on you at just the right moment. These are things that happen over and over again on my races. There is always something that I can point to at the end of the day that makes me know for sure that that specific child or teacher was with me.
It felt wonderful to run for Chase. To do the thing that he loved the best in his honor. To be his legs. I have this great mental picture of him spending his days running like the wind now. Laughing and running circles around all the children up in Heaven. Taking a break to catch his breath to pop his head down through the clouds to check in on everyone that he loves and then going back to his fun. It has to be true. It just has to be.
Love-
Lindsay
Here is the fleet footed Chase Kowalski. The eighth angel that I have now run for:
Kevin and I teamed up, along side his family, to run this past Sunday together for Chase. When I arrived at the race, I met up with Kevin's sister Beth, who've I've gotten to know very well through our running goals. Beth informed me that Chase's parents had texted Kevin earlier that day asking us to "run hard" for Chase. If you don't know much about Chase, let me fill you in on something special about that little boy. He was a runner. Not just a runner, but that amazing little boy had already completed a triathlon in his lifetime. How many of us can say that?
We all took the message of "Run Hard" to heart and we pushed to the limit to make Chase proud. Kevin ended up winning second place in his age bracket and Beth and I had one of our best 5k times to date. Because Kevin finished ahead of me, he ran back and met me while I was on my final stretch. I welled up as he handed me a picture of Chase to finish the race with. And as I crossed the finish line, I kissed the picture and held it up for those around me to see.
There's just something so empowering about running for the loved ones that we lost that terrible day. You'd have to be closed off emotionally not to feel them with you when you run. Each race is so special in its own way and there never fails to be some experience that stands out which makes you know for certain that that person is with you. A sudden burst of energy when you mentally call out their name, an overwhelming warm feeling out of the blue, a flash of a mental image, a sudden need to shed a tear, aches and pains releasing their grasp on you at just the right moment. These are things that happen over and over again on my races. There is always something that I can point to at the end of the day that makes me know for sure that that specific child or teacher was with me.
It felt wonderful to run for Chase. To do the thing that he loved the best in his honor. To be his legs. I have this great mental picture of him spending his days running like the wind now. Laughing and running circles around all the children up in Heaven. Taking a break to catch his breath to pop his head down through the clouds to check in on everyone that he loves and then going back to his fun. It has to be true. It just has to be.
Love-
Lindsay
Here is the fleet footed Chase Kowalski. The eighth angel that I have now run for:
Full race album available on the facebook page 26 in 2013 for Sandy Hook:
Kevin Bresnahan and I- Warriors in sneakers:
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