I'm seeing the color red today. And that's all that I see.
They released new information about the shooter and his motives today. I'm not going to go into detail here because it's a sensitive topic and I don't want anyone to read something that may upset them. I shouldn't have read it either. But the need for answers and the pull towards wanting some sort of clue as to why this awful thing happened is crucial to my personal healing I suppose.
I was reading an article about Catherine Hubbard's family just last night. The circumstances they were in the day they found out that Catherine wouldn't be coming home tore me in two. Catherine's father was so far away the day of the shooting. He was in another country.
Can you imagine? I'm crying all over again just thinking about how badly my heart would have exploded on the spot if I had received the news that he did and if I were that far away. How much worse could that situation possibly have gotten?
All for a coward with a gun. How much less of a man could you possibly be? How much less of a human being? To walk into an elementary school, loaded down with more guns than the SEAL team did when they went after Bin Laden- to gun down babies and unarmed women.
And a mother that turned a blind eye to all the warning signs and continued to supply the weapons that would do so much harm.
What were you thinking?
I was not in your shoes. I have no right to judge. But it doesn't stop me from wanting to judge. To yell and scream and curse both your names. And to hope that your final judgement is fitting.
I'm so very angry today. And so very sad.
I'm going to require some very large and long hugs from my little boy tonight. Do the same with your babies please.